5 months ... Time flies

 Wow my little darling is 5 months old.  Good Lord! ( No really, Good Lord) without him this blessing NEVER would have happened. 

Esperanza is just a joy in my life.  I don't think anything ever will compare to when I had her finally in my arms.   She is full of energy, attitude, love and just enough sass LOL to just brighten up anybody's day. 

What else has happened? Not too much We've got a relationship with the in laws and Espy knows all of her grandparents.  God is good. Now we are just focusing on staying ahead financially and looking for a slightly bigger place for our family of 7.

My Reaction to the SCOTUS decsion

  I need to get my feelings about the recent SCOTUS ruling on same sex marriage out in the open.  I am not even going to get into the discussion of whether it is right or wrong but I do want to share my opinion.

I am overjoyed for this ruling I think it was a good step in the right direction for tolerance, not acceptance but tolerance.   Many of you don't know this about me but I am an ordained minister and have been since 2011. I personally don't subscribe to a specific religion so when I was ordained I decided that I am going to minister as God does by loving everyone and being tolerant of everyone.

  This does not mean I am supporting the lifestyle you are living.   For instance  there are people in this world that chose to have drugs in their every day life.  Do I agree with the lifestyle? No, but I don't shun people for it either.    Some people chose to live in a house where they don't have a voice on certain matters when it comes to the relationship between them and their partner, I don't agree with that either but I don't and won't judge someone for doing so.  I can disagree with your lifestyle choices and love you just the same.  

 From a biblical standpoint God is the only love that is ever "unconditional"  and come on America if there is one part of the bible to take "Literally" its God's love!   I've said this before, there aren't any footnotes, asterisks, parentheses, end notes or anything in the bible when God speaks on Love or any other matter.  The bible does not say "Love each other as I have loved you *** Unless they happen to live a lifestyle or do things that you personally don't agree with***   ( Unless they drink) ** Unless they are LGBT** (
 Unless they are pretty) *** Unless they allow you to abuse them****   ** Unless they have an addiction((  Unless they don't think I exist)   I could go on forever

    It just simply says Love each other as I have loved you.  


I honestly understand the opponents and the supporters  of this issue. I Get it!  Change is really hard, its something  that certain parts of America do not handle well, but it is what it is.  Change can be a wonderful thing, and I encourage you no matter what side of the coin you are on to embrace the changes happening, you don't have to agree with them, you don't have to accept them, but if you can learn to tolerate them I personally believe that things will be better.   For those happy about this decision I am happy too but I also realize that there are many who aren't happy its not my job to make them happy but I can help them become tolerant of the changes happening around them by continuing to love them. 


I'll say this in closing, I personally love everyone,  I don't always agree with the decisions they make in their lives but I am goinna love them anyways. Why?  That is what God told me to do and that is what God does for me. Loves me in spite of my questionable or bad decisions I make. 


John 13:34  "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another"

Post Partum Visit and Updates

 Today was my 6 week postpartum visit to my OB.   I have grown to love and trust Dr. Gordon.  From the jump start of me seeing her, she always had my best interest in mind and I'll tell ya the woman never gave me any bull shit.  In fact, one of the reasons why I love her so much is that she tells you like it is and is super down to earth.  She will give you her recommendation and let you make your own decisions. 


 We discussed a lot.  For starters my vitals were awesome, and I lost 30lbs!   yeah I was stoked about that.   I also passed my blood sugar test.  This was a real bonus for me, since I thought for sure I'd be a diabetic considering all of the issues I had during pregnancy.   But I passed and all is well.  My blood pressure had also been on a scary increase, and that was also down.  I am healthy and "back to normal"  lol I can hardly say I am normal but this is all great news.

What came with this visit was the discussion of birth control.  I laughed about this, because I've been married for almost 5 years now and have never had this discussion with my OB/GYN before. My whole plan for 4 years was always to try and have a baby.  So it was fun and she gave us many options but also cautioned me that I really needed to let my uterus heal at least for a year and preferably 2.  This made alarm bells go off in my head. Why? Well, the other part of the visit was spent talking about future pregnancies and deliveries that I would have.

I asked if there was ever a chance I'd deliver naturally.   She didn't say yes or no, but she asked me this question and I'll be honest it was something I needed to hear.  "To you what is magical about a vaginal birth?"   
My answer " Honestly,  Nothing other than the fact that I'd be able to do it"

She said "fair enough I totally understand, but I'll be honest with you labor is seriously like the worse flu you've ever had in your life and honestly not all its cracked up to be." 
Basically in her opinion for a patient such as myself  a repeat C section would be the goal,  she said if I went into labor and things were going well, then heck yes its a blessing we are pushing that baby out BUT the odds of that happening are not in my favor. She told me I am always going to be an extremely high risk pregnancy.  (  I knew this )

Statistically  I am going to be a diabetic, and will end up with preecampsia again.   It may not be as bad as it was but yeah.  What sucks about it is that its pregnancy and I am at the mercy of Hormones LOL sooooooooo yeah.  But that also makes me wonder if a second child is really a good idea.  Its my decision but its a really hard one.  If I wait 2 years or even 1. Age is also a facotor in risks too.
2 years puts me at 31 on top of the high risks that I am.  So yeah it was a lot to take in and its a lot to think about.

I am just grateful that I found this practice, and the Drs and Midwives in it. The whole practice saved my life and helped me bring a beautiful healthy and happy baby into this world and I am just blessed.

Oh Yes, Speaking of Baby, She is 6llbs 2 oz and growing by the day. Healthy as can be.
Hubby might have a new job

Things are well with our family.  I am blessed.


 :)

My Birth Story

 I guess I will preface this, with Yes, Esperanza is here! How she got here... well here is my story.   I like many first time mom's had this dream of  that perfect birth.  You know the one with your husband by your side and midwives and nurses telling you to push and breath because things would be okay and you were gonna bring a baby into the world in 0.2 seconds with just that One last push... Well  It was anything but that, but equally as exciting.


March 23rd- I noticed a lot of swelling in my feet and my BP had been on a steady incline.   Esperanza was passing her Non- Stress Tests with flying colors and no one seemed to worry except for me. 

March 27th- Baby Shower Weekend  I finally got to go home and see my family who I hadn't seen in almost a half of a year.  That 3 hour drive was so grueling not to mention my feet were swollen now to the point of walking and shoe wearing were almost impossible. I spent most of that weekend with my feet up and had a lot of people worried because the swelling was so bad. Check out the pic below.

March 29th- The Drive back to Toledo was equally as brutal and now, I had ditched shoes and went for slippers.  My feet again were massively swollen and now I had chest pains and a massive freaking headache.  I thought well swelling is "normal"  headaches are an every day occurrence for me and the chest pain well... that was  new but meh I'll mention it tomorrow when I see my doctor.  Here is the pic of my feet 2 days after my shower.

March 30th- My weekly appt with my OB I show her pics and share my symptoms oh and I should mention now that my BP was dangerously high.She wasn't concerned too much about the swelling but the headache and chest pain was a cause for concern so she sent me to labor and delivery for a preecampsica work up and told me "Well we might deliver today"  " I'll let you know later this after noon"  I was supposed to work that day and she said if you go home today you are on bed rest you are done working like now.   So I spent all day in L&D  getting a battery of tests done.  They sent me home at 10 30 that night with strict instructions to be on bed rest and not to over do it. My doctor wanted to "Buy time" and I was only 34 weeks and 5 days..   All the while Espy is doing great.


March 31st and April 1st-   I continued to feel like crap.  Even through I hated bed rest there was nothing I could do I couldn't walk I was very uncomfortable I was miserable.   Headache never fully went away in fact it came back with a vengeance.  The only thing stopping me from going into the hospital Weds. was that it was April Fools and no one would have believed me that there was something going on and more so, I had an appt at the hospital early Thursday Morning   with Maternal Fetal Medicine and I planned then to tell them my symptoms.




April 2nd-  I arrived for my NST ( non stress test) as I normally did but this time things were a bit different. My BP was super high and there was protein in my urine.   I am now almost to the point of tears and just absolutely 100% a mess.  I asked the nurses to call my doctor and tell them what I am experiencing, I said if you guys don't then I will. I am not leaving here today something is very wrong.   They continued my appointment with my scheduled ultrasound and everything looked good with the baby, but I felt like crap.   A doctor comes in and says " So they are recommending delivery" I am like "What?" luckily I came prepared ( I had a hunch that I'd be admitted)  What I didn't expect was the next hour.  Long story very short I was told I'd be having a C-section as my doctor didn't think I could deliver naturally.   I thought because I had eaten and taken insulin already that I had to wait 8 hours before they could do the surgery. This was good because it gave me time to let my family know to just get to the hospital ( They had a 3 hour drive).  

Enter Dr. Gordon,   She asked me how bad I wanted to deliver naturally, and then with great concern says " I am not a fan of that "   she then says  something to the effect of  look you are really sick, if this was something elective we could wait, but you are sick and we just can't wait. We need to get this baby out and you better in the next 2 hours. The longer you stay pregnant the worse it is going to be for both of you.    Now, I am already freaking out internally but now I am like OMG 2 hours?  my husband pipes in and says " 2 hours from when?"   Dr Gordon says " 2 hours from the moment I made this decision 5 minutes ago"   We both were like well alright!   I then call my family again and tell them t hey are going to miss the delivery because its an emergency but just get up there whenever they could without breaking major laws LOL.

Everything happened so damn fast all I know was that I was in the OR by noon  and at 12:46  this happened.

Esperanza Faith- Denise Lozano

4/2/15
12:46 PM
 4LBs 11oz
16 1/2 inches

My child was perfect and did not see the NICU despite being 5 weeks premature.
It wasn't what I envisioned but  it was perfect and my story. 17 days later she is perfect and a joy to our lives. Finally after all of the struggling and tears. We have our miracle  baby.



 
Mommy and Daddy Love you so much Esperanza

7 weeks left.

 I am 32 weeks along and being induced at 39 weeks. This is all getting real to me now. I am so excited to hold and meet my bundle of joy I just can't contain myself. Esperanza looks great she is so beautiful! and she is very healthy.

Praying things continue to go well for her and for me.

 

3/10/15

Esperanza  with her hand and foot in her face.  It was 8 am, 

:No pictures mom!!!

                                                        3/10/15
                                                         Chewing on her hands already :)


 I am totally in love with this girl :) She has her own personality and everything!