tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73204173378278587482024-03-05T00:22:07.192-08:00LaKedria C LozanoLaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-5985788267091395652022-12-27T17:51:00.001-08:002022-12-27T17:51:28.597-08:002022! Its been forever! I guess I should write here since it's been like 2 years since my last post.<div><br></div><div>A lot has changed the world has changed everything is so different. </div><div><br></div><div>Covid sucks and we are still in this thing nearly 3 years later. </div><div><br></div><div>My kids are growing in fact I posted about baby 4 2 years ago. Yep He'll be 3 next month! </div><div><br></div><div>My medical issues have gotten worse lots to take inm</div>LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-82607359747827247732020-05-27T11:00:00.002-07:002022-12-27T17:51:32.778-08:00 What you should know: My story of blackness and racism <b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br></span></b>
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">** Graphic Language warning***</span></b><br>
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Has someone ever banged on your door before you opened it? You know.. banging so hard it sounds like a fist is going to come through the door? I learned very early that this wasn't a good knock at the door. Certainly, it could just be the delivery guy or someone else but if you seen the movies or any good crime show that banging on the door is usually followed by these words " POLICE OPEN UP!"<br>
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Now, I don't live a wild and crazy life but this banging scares me every single time because I don't know who is on the other side of that door. I'd never really had dealings with law enforcement as a young child, cops were there to keep you safe, they were there to protect and sometimes they had to stop someone from breaking the law. That's what I knew. I also knew about jail ( only that it was somewhere that I never wanted to be) and that's pretty much it. My parents did a great job of making sure we were never afraid of the cops. My grandmother seemed to know every cop in Steubenville anyways so it was nice to just be able to wave at them and be on my way.<br>
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That changed however when I was about 12 years old. My grandmother did home health care for a friend and apparently, this lady's young grandson who happened to be black was on the run from the police and they were pursuing him. I remember vividly the grandson running into the house and through the living room and the police kicking down the back door running in after him with guns up. I remember hiding. Apparently, this guy had warrants and drugs on him. they did not use force however, the guns up were enough to scare me for life. They detained him and that was it. I watched from a corner under the table. I never wanted that to be me.<br>
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I vowed to only have positive interactions with law enforcement. More on this later.<br>
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I consider myself to be a person who is super diverse in everything. If you look at my family and friends I pretty much cover the rainbow and all of its shades. However, I personally am still the target of racism and very much aware of the division between us. Also, I am basing this on skin color alone not on RACE Here are a few examples.<br>
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<b>"The only one" </b> I remember being in the band in HS and we literally drove past a large cornfield and my friends were vocal about making sure myself and the three other people of color felt safe as we got off of the bus to go play a pretty awesome team... Why were we so scared? because all we knew were stories of white people killing blacks and putting bodies somewhere where they would never be found.<br>
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I graduated from West Liberty University which was a small liberal arts college with roughly 2600 students on campus. In my major, however, I was the only student of color for a long time and in my career there I think we only had 3. Now, no one ever made a big deal out of it in fact, like my shortness and blindness, it was a running joke in the department and things were fine. However, if you've never been "The only one" its a bit of an awkward feeling in a lot of situations. When we would drive through different parts of the US during choir tours there were some places that I felt super uncomfortable being in<br>
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Since then I've had many jobs where I've been the only person of color. Not RACE but skin color alone. I currently work with people of a different race but their skin color is white so unfortunately they get grouped into the "white people" category.<br>
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<b>Being Profiled:</b> I lived in Huntington WV for 4 years and in that time met amazing people and did some amazing things however location matters when you are black. I remember picking up a prescription from Kroger and then going to the dollar general across the street. I had to make kind of a long trek home, so instead of holding on to the bag with my meds in them I took my pills out of the bag and put them in my coat pocket so that I could have free hands. I walked into dollar general with the intention of checking out the sales and maybe buying something if the deals were good. I walked in and immediately the clerk looks me up and down as I was the only one in the store and starts to follow me with a box pretending like he is stocking. Its helpful at this point to know that I was also with my husband who is Hispanic but on the lighter side so he too is in the "white people" category. I didn't find deals so I begin to walk out of the store and the clerk stops me.<br>
Clerk- "Ma'am will you empty your pockets"<br>
Me- * Because I had nothing to hide* " Umm why?"<br>
Clerk " I heard jingling of pills"<br>
Me- " Pulls out my keys, 75 cents in change and my prescription"<br>
Clerk- *Stammering* Ummm Ummm Umm ummmmmmmm I'm sorry<br>
Me- Yeah.. I walked out and returned10 minutes later to get this guy's name and position turns out he was the manager of the store. <br>
Yep dude thought I was stealing PILLS because he heard jingling in my pocket! Yep I had nothing else better to do...<br>
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I called dollar general corporate the following day, they did nothing except say "What do you want us to do?" I haven't shopped there in over 8 years. I will not spend any of my money there and have not even set foot inside a dollar general store since that incident. Truth be told I wanted an apology from corporate and assurance that employees be trained on things. Recognizing where they work and the demographics of their store.<br>
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<b>Interracial marriage: </b> My husband is Hispanic and again on the lighter side and of course my skin is dark. Ya'll my father in law was ridiculously prejudiced like to the point of him screaming to my husband "You're not talking to that Nigger again are you? calling him nigger lover etc. this was before I ever met my husband in person and years prior to meeting my father in law in person. I, of course married my awesome husband but was petrified to meet my father in law. He eventually would come around enough to get to know me and accept me. We lived together for about 6 months and I didn't have an issue really in person. I was always scared though always...<br>
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Back to Huntington, Don and I would often walk places and one day as we walked down 5th ave. ( Excuse me for being super stereotypical right now) but a red pick up truck with a Confederate flag and two white men in flanel shirts reveed their engines stopped beside us walking and yelled :NIGGERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" and sped away. Makes ya feel reallllllllllllllllll safe walking anywhere now eh? .. ITs a CRAP feeling.<br>
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<b>Giving birth: </b><br>
If you know me, its no secret that my pregnancies were extremely complicated. By the time my 3rd child came along, the hospital staff knew me very well and I was a frequent flyer there. Never for drugs but I had issues. The day before I had my 3rd son ( Lio) I had a prenatal appointment. Life was great, I had made it to 36 +6 ( longer than I'd ever made it with any pregnancy ) my husband and I stoped at Tim Hortons before my appointment grabbed a giant piece of Lemon Poppyseed Muffin and a Peach tea and off to my appointment, I went. I ended up being sent to the hospital with an BP of 180/110 and suspected pre ecampisa ( I was scheduled to have a C section the next day) So I packed my stuff went to the hospital and checked in and got comfy. Ended up being a false alarm and I just stayed in the hospital unit the next morning for my scheduled surgery.<br>
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I wake up the next day, all excited because I'm now 37 weeks and Lio is full term. My husband and Pastor get to the hospital at the same time and we are talking and excited and my Dr. comes in... she asks to talk with Don and I alone.<br>
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Dr. So you know we do a drug screen on all women right?<br>
Me- Yes ( By now they have had my pee, blood, etc) so again nothing fo me to hide.<br>
Dr. So you tested positive for opiates<br>
me- Makes no sense I was here all day yesterday and the only thing differently I did was eat a lemon poppyseed muffin.<br>
Dr- Tells me the protocol and how they have to call a social worker and she has to call CPS etc.<br>
me- After that point I just sobbed because all I could think of was them taking my baby away from me. I am a teacher, and in the ministry and I thought they were going to take my baby away from me. Now part of this is because TOledo is heavy on the Opaite addictions and I know its a safety thing as it should be, however:<br>
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My baby was born healthy and a great birth weight. and I remember a nurse coming into my room to check him out. She was so rude and cold to me, and said something about needing to take my baby away to "check him out" and get an x ray of his arm. Didn't read anything about ME just knew my test came back positive.<br>
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By then also the social worker had come in, was also super rude and explained the process and ended up getting chrewed out by my husband.<br>
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My nurse told me that they had a room in policy at the hospital so that the baby wouldn't have to leave my room except for once a day. THEY Kept talking my baby away every 4 hours! I didn't find out until 6 hours after giving birth that they were taking my baby to check him for withdraw symptoms. So for the 1st night of my child's life. I was treated like A criminal. ( BY THE WAY, turns out it was the Lemon poppyseed muffin that gave the false positive)<br>
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<i><b>"I'm scared" </b></i><br>
<i><b>"I'm the only one" </b></i><br>
<i><b>"I'm a Nigger" </b></i><br>
<i><b>"NIGGER" </b></i><br>
<i><b>"I am uncomfortable"</b></i><br>
<i><b>"I can't walk down the street" </b></i><br>
<i><b>"I'm a pill stealer" </b></i><br>
<i><b>" I am a drug addict mother with an addicted baby" </b></i><br>
<i><b>"I am scared of ANYONE knocking on my door" </b></i><br>
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<b>I shouldn't feel this way. This is what people thought about me based on NOTHING but my skin color</b><br>
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Kenneth Chamberlain, 66 "Why do you have your guns out?” <br>
Trayvon Martin, 16 “What are you following me for?”<br>
. Amadou Diallo, 23 “Mom, I’m going to college.”<br>
. Michael Brown, 18 “I don’t have a gun. Stop shooting.”<br>
. Oscar Grant, 22 “You shot me! You shot me!”<br>
John Crawford, 22 “It’s not real.”<br>
. Eric Garner, 43 “I can’t breathe.”<br>
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<span style="font-family: OpenSans-Regular; font-size: 17px;">Ahmaud Arbery, 25 * Gunned down while jogging because he was perceived to be a robber*</span><br>
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George Floyd 46 " It hurts, my neck, my back, everything hurts" </div>
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I am missing a lot but these is based on SKIN COLOR. Why because that is what is seen. Shoot first and ask questions later. 9 innocent people ... and I am missing several... I am scared </div>
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I am a mom of two mixed boys and I have to eventually have a conversation with them as they grow as to how they should conduct themselves when they encounter law enforcement. I have to have the same conversation with my girls. If you don't know what conversation I'm talking about, then educate yourself. It is a COLOR thing and a RACE perception thing. RACISM IS ALIVE AND WELL FOLKS. Be apart of the solution and not the problem. EDUCATE Yourself. ASK questions. </div>
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Next time someone says " I don't see color" " My friends are black" " We are all just people" </div>
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" We are all the same in GOd's eyes"</div>
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Think about it.. Are we?? Are we Really??</div>
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Its 2020... </div>
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How are we still here?? How?? and how can we be the change and lead the change? </div>
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I love you ALL, I don't care what you look like I care how you act and treat others. </div>
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THIS though has to stop</div>
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The more you know.... </div>
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LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-65729856560486162492019-11-22T03:45:00.003-08:002019-11-22T03:45:51.244-08:00Baby updateAll the kids are doing well. <div>
Baby 4 is 27+3</div>
LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-20877062650770014132018-07-06T23:37:00.001-07:002018-07-06T23:37:18.880-07:00Blessed Where to start? Oh yeah, 32 +3 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. Its a boy!! I'm scared and excited.<br />
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The girls are great and growing.<br />
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Hubs has a manager position<br />
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I'm entering year 14 of education.<br />
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Life is busy and blessed.<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-13048908762634413822017-09-15T15:48:00.001-07:002017-09-15T15:48:31.424-07:00It's been a while since an updateSo my daughter's are growing and lovely little people. Serenity is gonna be 1 and I can't believe it. Esperanza is every bit of 2 years old anyone can imagine and they both light up my world so much.<br />
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My IUD was removed in July and we are trying for baby #3 and we are crazy. Both jobs are in full swing.<br />
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Here are updated pics of the sisters Lozano<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-23803001577217763242016-12-03T15:03:00.001-08:002016-12-03T15:03:13.900-08:008 weeks of blissWe brought Serenity home 10/24 and since she has been home its been wonderful. She is growing and doing so well.<br />
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She came home with an apnea monitor due to her periodic breathing issue which really was a pain in the butt. All of the alarms she ever had on that thing ended up being false and on 11/30 she was cleared to come off of the monitor and deemed very healthy.<br />
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She has been a joy and its nice to finally have both of my girls happy, healthy, and wire free.<br />
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Yay!!!<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-84595771689861826592016-10-21T10:31:00.003-07:002016-10-21T10:31:56.906-07:00Game planFinally! Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.<br />
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Renny has been doing well with feedings, so the plan is to see how she dose over the weekend, have her sleep study done Sunday (she has been dstating ) and take her home on Monday.<br />
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Keep the prayers and good vibes coming please!<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-23170831327278555602016-10-19T14:44:00.003-07:002016-10-19T14:44:58.647-07:00NICU day 14 So, after being in the NICU for 14 days we are finally starting to see our baby take full bottles. This is in part thanks to a few nurses who said oh hey gonna change this nipple and see what happens. It was magicial.<br />
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We are currently at odds with one doctor on the care team, just dont care too much for her bedside manner and our interactions. However we have an appointment with a social worker tomorrow and a call into the patient advocate as well gonna try and get them to get this discharge moving. She would do much better at home with us.<br />
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Keep the prayers coming though, because the way it was explained to us by an awesome nurse is that she needs to take all of her feeds ( 8) completly by mouth for 24 hours, then they will remove the NG tube, after that she needs to continue to take her feeds for another 24 hours before discharge.<br />
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Keep the prayers because we know she can take at least 3 feeds in 24 hours now. So pray send wishes good vibes etc that she says ohhh yea this is what I need to do.<br />
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She is such a joy, looks just like her big sister.<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-70388771520344173262016-10-15T20:47:00.001-07:002016-10-15T20:47:21.632-07:00Serenity! 10/5/16 So as with my last pregnancy, this one ended with a huge bang. After weeks and weeks of complications and low amniotic fluid, steroids to help the baby's lungs, and 8 hospital visits and admissions later. I finally got my wish the day after I turned 30 years old. I went into Maternal Fetal Medicine for my weekly appointment. Unlike my pregnancy with Espy, I felt okay that day I had a headache, I was swollen, and had high BP. This was the norm for me since about 30 weeks so I thought eh, they won't deliver me with just all of that. Well that day was also my 34 week Ultrasound and the plan was with all of the issues I was having, if something happened to me or her we would go ahead and deliver. Well, all was going as planned until I asked the tech about her fluid level and she said "Hardly anything there" I thought hmmm.. She then said yeah the blood flow to the brain and cord were showing signs of hard to get for lack of a better term. So she went quickly to show the ultrasound to the specialist who like me thought " Oh she is good" Thank God for the tech saying<br />
" No, she isn't you need to look at this" Minutes and minutes pass and then she comes in with the news " So the plan is to deliver you today" Me- " FINALLY!" So we begin the process of now trying to find emergency care for Espy all while processing the fact that I am about to have another C-section. This delivery wasn't as rushed as Espy's but it was still hasty, Dr. Gordon dosen't play around. My diagnosis before delivery? You guessed it Preeclampsia for the second time, as well as intrauterine growth restriction and the baby had abnormal wave patterns in her ultrasounds.<br />
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This delivery was kinda special for me though because not only did I have the doctor that I loved performing everything, my primary midwife Irma came in and told me, " I am going to be with you the whole time" and that meant the world to me. So we were hasty but not super rushed I felt more at ease with the whole process. So fastfoward to the operating room, and I go in and its about 11 AM and by 11:23 I got this:<br />
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Serenity Eulalia Grace Lozano 4Lbs 10Oz ( 1oz shy of Espy)<br />
17.25 inches. <br />
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Now, by rule of the hospital any baby born under 35 weeks was automatically admitted to the NICU.<br />
So knowing this I knew that she would be there and since I had to be hooked up to magnesium for 24 hours I was not going to be able to see her until the next day, this broke my heart but I knew it had to be done and prayed for a short stay in the NICU for my baby girl.<br />
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Serenity was born without any complications however; my 10 day old baby is still stuck in the NICU why? Becuase she won't drink a bottle, she will breast feed very well, but not take a bottle at all. So please keep praying for my girl. She is doing marvelous otherwise.<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-38195466695133319622016-03-30T15:35:00.000-07:002016-03-30T15:35:14.286-07:00Last post was 7 months ago WOW a lot has changed Hi!<br />
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Since you last heard from me, I have started a new job teaching second grade. I work at a local charter school. Its been a really interesting time and experience.<br />
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My daughter Esperanza is going to be a year old on Saturday, where the heck did all of the time GO???<br />
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Life has been fun, we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment and all and all are really happy.<br />
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Also:<br />
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Baby Lozano #2 Due 11/11 :) What a ride ya'll<br />
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So I am back to tons of docs appts. Visits with Maternal Fetal medicine. <br />
<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-23539236105300298522015-09-02T09:47:00.000-07:002015-09-02T09:47:00.508-07:005 months ... Time flies Wow my little darling is 5 months old. Good Lord! ( No really, Good Lord) without him this blessing NEVER would have happened. <br />
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Esperanza is just a joy in my life. I don't think anything ever will compare to when I had her finally in my arms. She is full of energy, attitude, love and just enough sass LOL to just brighten up anybody's day. <br />
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What else has happened? Not too much We've got a relationship with the in laws and Espy knows all of her grandparents. God is good. Now we are just focusing on staying ahead financially and looking for a slightly bigger place for our family of 7.<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-24136850468787376442015-06-27T15:50:00.003-07:002015-06-27T15:50:59.260-07:00My Reaction to the SCOTUS decsion I need to get my feelings about the recent SCOTUS ruling on same sex marriage out in the open. I am not even going to get into the discussion of whether it is right or wrong but I do want to share my opinion.<br />
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I am overjoyed for this ruling I think it was a good step in the right direction for tolerance, not acceptance but tolerance. Many of you don't know this about me but I am an ordained minister and have been since 2011. I personally don't subscribe to a specific religion so when I was ordained I decided that I am going to minister as God does by loving everyone and being tolerant of everyone.<br />
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This does not mean I am supporting the lifestyle you are living. For instance there are people in this world that chose to have drugs in their every day life. Do I agree with the lifestyle? No, but I don't shun people for it either. Some people chose to live in a house where they don't have a voice on certain matters when it comes to the relationship between them and their partner, I don't agree with that either but I don't and won't judge someone for doing so. I can disagree with your lifestyle choices and love you just the same. <br />
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From a biblical standpoint God is the only love that is ever "unconditional" and come on America if there is one part of the bible to take "Literally" its God's love! I've said this before, there aren't any footnotes, asterisks, parentheses, end notes or anything in the bible when God speaks on Love or any other matter. The bible does not say "Love each other as I have loved you *** Unless they happen to live a lifestyle or do things that you personally don't agree with*** ( Unless they drink) ** Unless they are LGBT** (<br />
Unless they are pretty) *** Unless they allow you to abuse them**** ** Unless they have an addiction(( Unless they don't think I exist) I could go on forever<br />
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It just simply says Love each other as I have loved you. <br />
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I honestly understand the opponents and the supporters of this issue. I Get it! Change is really hard, its something that certain parts of America do not handle well, but it is what it is. Change can be a wonderful thing, and I encourage you no matter what side of the coin you are on to embrace the changes happening, you don't have to agree with them, you don't have to accept them, but if you can learn to tolerate them I personally believe that things will be better. For those happy about this decision I am happy too but I also realize that there are many who aren't happy its not my job to make them happy but I can help them become tolerant of the changes happening around them by continuing to love them. <br />
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I'll say this in closing, I personally love everyone, I don't always agree with the decisions they make in their lives but I am goinna love them anyways. Why? That is what God told me to do and that is what God does for me. Loves me in spite of my questionable or bad decisions I make. <br />
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John 13:34 <span class="reftext"></span><span class="highl">"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another"</span>LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-5744074394145032902015-05-11T19:54:00.000-07:002015-05-11T19:54:40.981-07:00Post Partum Visit and Updates Today was my 6 week postpartum visit to my OB. I have grown to love and trust Dr. Gordon. From the jump start of me seeing her, she always had my best interest in mind and I'll tell ya the woman never gave me any bull shit. In fact, one of the reasons why I love her so much is that she tells you like it is and is super down to earth. She will give you her recommendation and let you make your own decisions. <br />
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We discussed a lot. For starters my vitals were awesome, and I lost 30lbs! yeah I was stoked about that. I also passed my blood sugar test. This was a real bonus for me, since I thought for sure I'd be a diabetic considering all of the issues I had during pregnancy. But I passed and all is well. My blood pressure had also been on a scary increase, and that was also down. I am healthy and "back to normal" lol I can hardly say I am normal but this is all great news.<br />
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What came with this visit was the discussion of birth control. I laughed about this, because I've been married for almost 5 years now and have never had this discussion with my OB/GYN before. My whole plan for 4 years was always to try and have a baby. So it was fun and she gave us many options but also cautioned me that I really needed to let my uterus heal at least for a year and preferably 2. This made alarm bells go off in my head. Why? Well, the other part of the visit was spent talking about future pregnancies and deliveries that I would have.<br />
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I asked if there was ever a chance I'd deliver naturally. She didn't say yes or no, but she asked me this question and I'll be honest it was something I needed to hear. "To you what is magical about a vaginal birth?" <br />
My answer " Honestly, Nothing other than the fact that I'd be able to do it"<br />
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She said "fair enough I totally understand, but I'll be honest with you labor is seriously like the worse flu you've ever had in your life and honestly not all its cracked up to be." <br />
Basically in her opinion for a patient such as myself a repeat C section would be the goal, she said if I went into labor and things were going well, then heck yes its a blessing we are pushing that baby out BUT the odds of that happening are not in my favor. She told me I am always going to be an extremely high risk pregnancy. ( I knew this )<br />
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Statistically I am going to be a diabetic, and will end up with preecampsia again. It may not be as bad as it was but yeah. What sucks about it is that its pregnancy and I am at the mercy of Hormones LOL sooooooooo yeah. But that also makes me wonder if a second child is really a good idea. Its my decision but its a really hard one. If I wait 2 years or even 1. Age is also a facotor in risks too.<br />
2 years puts me at 31 on top of the high risks that I am. So yeah it was a lot to take in and its a lot to think about.<br />
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I am just grateful that I found this practice, and the Drs and Midwives in it. The whole practice saved my life and helped me bring a beautiful healthy and happy baby into this world and I am just blessed.<br />
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Oh Yes, Speaking of Baby, She is 6llbs 2 oz and growing by the day. Healthy as can be.<br />
Hubby might have a new job<br />
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Things are well with our family. I am blessed.<br />
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:) <br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-23160939583401322672015-04-19T17:08:00.002-07:002015-04-19T17:08:38.763-07:00My Birth Story I guess I will preface this, with Yes, Esperanza is here! How she got here... well here is my story. I like many first time mom's had this dream of that perfect birth. You know the one with your husband by your side and midwives and nurses telling you to push and breath because things would be okay and you were gonna bring a baby into the world in 0.2 seconds with just that One last push... Well It was anything but that, but equally as exciting.<br />
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<br />March 23rd- I noticed a lot of swelling in my feet and my BP had been on a steady incline. Esperanza was passing her Non- Stress Tests with flying colors and no one seemed to worry except for me. <br />
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March 27th- Baby Shower Weekend I finally got to go home and see my family who I hadn't seen in almost a half of a year. That 3 hour drive was so grueling not to mention my feet were swollen now to the point of walking and shoe wearing were almost impossible. I spent most of that weekend with my feet up and had a lot of people worried because the swelling was so bad. Check out the pic below.<br />
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March 29th- The Drive back to Toledo was equally as brutal and now, I had ditched shoes and went for slippers. My feet again were massively swollen and now I had chest pains and a massive freaking headache. I thought well swelling is "normal" headaches are an every day occurrence for me and the chest pain well... that was new but meh I'll mention it tomorrow when I see my doctor. Here is the pic of my feet 2 days after my shower.<br />
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March 30th- My weekly appt with my OB I show her pics and share my symptoms oh and I should mention now that my BP was dangerously high.She wasn't concerned too much about the swelling but the headache and chest pain was a cause for concern so she sent me to labor and delivery for a preecampsica work up and told me "Well we might deliver today" " I'll let you know later this after noon" I was supposed to work that day and she said if you go home today you are on bed rest you are done working like now. So I spent all day in L&D getting a battery of tests done. They sent me home at 10 30 that night with strict instructions to be on bed rest and not to over do it. My doctor wanted to "Buy time" and I was only 34 weeks and 5 days.. All the while Espy is doing great.<br />
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March 31st and April 1st- I continued to feel like crap. Even through I hated bed rest there was nothing I could do I couldn't walk I was very uncomfortable I was miserable. Headache never fully went away in fact it came back with a vengeance. The only thing stopping me from going into the hospital Weds. was that it was April Fools and no one would have believed me that there was something going on and more so, I had an appt at the hospital early Thursday Morning with Maternal Fetal Medicine and I planned then to tell them my symptoms.<br />
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April 2nd- I arrived for my NST ( non stress test) as I normally did but this time things were a bit different. My BP was super high and there was protein in my urine. I am now almost to the point of tears and just absolutely 100% a mess. I asked the nurses to call my doctor and tell them what I am experiencing, I said if you guys don't then I will. I am not leaving here today something is very wrong. They continued my appointment with my scheduled ultrasound and everything looked good with the baby, but I felt like crap. A doctor comes in and says " So they are recommending delivery" I am like "What?" luckily I came prepared ( I had a hunch that I'd be admitted) What I didn't expect was the next hour. Long story very short I was told I'd be having a C-section as my doctor didn't think I could deliver naturally. I thought because I had eaten and taken insulin already that I had to wait 8 hours before they could do the surgery. This was good because it gave me time to let my family know to just get to the hospital ( They had a 3 hour drive). <br />
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Enter Dr. Gordon, She asked me how bad I wanted to deliver naturally, and then with great concern says " I am not a fan of that " she then says something to the effect of look you are really sick, if this was something elective we could wait, but you are sick and we just can't wait. We need to get this baby out and you better in the next 2 hours. The longer you stay pregnant the worse it is going to be for both of you. Now, I am already freaking out internally but now I am like OMG 2 hours? my husband pipes in and says " 2 hours from when?" Dr Gordon says " 2 hours from the moment I made this decision 5 minutes ago" We both were like well alright! I then call my family again and tell them t hey are going to miss the delivery because its an emergency but just get up there whenever they could without breaking major laws LOL.<br />
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Everything happened so damn fast all I know was that I was in the OR by noon and at 12:46 this happened.<br />
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Esperanza Faith- Denise Lozano<br />
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4/2/15 <br />
12:46 PM<br />
4LBs 11oz<br />
16 1/2 inches<br />
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My child was perfect and did not see the NICU despite being 5 weeks premature.<br />
It wasn't what I envisioned but it was perfect and my story. 17 days later she is perfect and a joy to our lives. Finally after all of the struggling and tears. We have our miracle baby. <br />
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Mommy and Daddy Love you so much Esperanza<br />
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LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-13026222868913017132015-03-11T09:50:00.001-07:002015-03-11T09:50:42.288-07:00 7 weeks left. I am 32 weeks along and being induced at 39 weeks. This is all getting real to me now. I am so excited to hold and meet my bundle of joy I just can't contain myself. Esperanza looks great she is so beautiful! and she is very healthy.<br />
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Praying things continue to go well for her and for me.<br />
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3/10/15</div>
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Esperanza with her hand and foot in her face. It was 8 am, </div>
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:No pictures mom!!!</div>
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3/10/15<br />
Chewing on her hands already :)<br />
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I am totally in love with this girl :) She has her own personality and everything! LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-58071433952730853632014-12-16T19:39:00.002-08:002014-12-16T19:41:48.650-08:00 Its a GIRL! I am going to be 20 weeks tomorrow and we just had our gender ultrasound today.<br />
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ITS a BABY GIRL! Esperanza Faith- Denise Lozano<br />
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Happy and healthy! :)<br />
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AHHHHHHHH Blessed and excited<br />
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LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-30251986880065656242014-10-09T10:23:00.002-07:002014-10-09T10:23:26.641-07:00Progess Baby Pictures<br />
8 Weeks and 2 Days 9/26/14<br />
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Heart <b>beat</b><br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-87579326263119951292014-10-09T10:20:00.001-07:002014-10-09T10:20:36.402-07:00 For the first time, I feel at peace. As I get through the 10th week of my pregnancy ( Yes 10 I can't believe it either) I can't help but feeling blessed and admittedly a little on the nervous side still. All tests and ultrasounds so far show that I am healthy and Baby L is healthy. ( My Baby L is beautiful). However, with this joy still comes the pain of me missing my Angel baby. I will never forget my Angel baby and although it was pretty much said that the pregnancy never established ( Egg was absorbed before sperm had a chance to implant) I still will have that grief and memory of those weeks two years ago.<br />
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I smile because I am happy to know that I have a healthy baby inside of me right now and I am healthy too. I smile now even though I approach the 2 year anniversary of loosing my Angel baby because last night I got a phone call from my best friend. She told me about a dream she had just woke up from and had to call me right then. She dreamed that she was in a place filled with fluffy clouds and the background was pastel very pretty orange and pink colors. In the dream she walked across this calm place and heard the laughter of children, she then came across a room with many children lying in cribs dressed in white. She said they were all laughing and were happy. She said that a baby came up to her with a mixed ethnicity and was happy and laughing and beautiful. She said that the babies were of all ethic backgrounds but this one in particular looked Part African American and Part Hispanic. Her question to me was : " Homie, do you think this was Angel baby?"<br />
My answer: "No doubt in my mind at all" She told me that she woke up before she could see gender but all she knew as she was holding the baby was that Angel baby is happy and beautiful.<br />
I hadn't ever got to the point where I started imaging what my baby would look like at that point but I was happy to know that my best friend someone I love and trust got to see and hold the baby that I didn't get to hold and tell me that my baby was safe and happy.<br />
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It gave me peace and comfort that I haven't felt since all of this happened. It also gave me reassurance that Baby L is meant to be and Angel Bro or Sis just wanted me to know that they were okay and to get ready for Baby L.<br />
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<br />
I cry as I write this but it is tears of joy.<br />
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October is infant and Prengnacy loss awarness month<br />
RIP to my Angel Baby ( 2012)<br />
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We love you so much<br />
Love Mom, Dad, and Baby L.<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-33444116680625394182014-09-10T19:34:00.000-07:002014-09-10T19:34:03.662-07:00Blessings and a MiracleNew Job!<br />
New School year!<br />
New Faces<br />
New Kiddos to mold<br />
New Music<br />
<br />New Life<br />
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totally blessed.<br />
After a 3 year battle with infertility I am expecting!!!! :) :) :)<br />
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Praying for healthy baby growth for the next 8 months :) :)<br />
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Blessed!LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-45549271081202601372014-08-04T19:43:00.000-07:002014-08-04T19:43:35.539-07:00Trying not to give up hope Lots of updates.<br />
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I am on a lot of medication now due to fibro. I am also in aquatherapy ( Love this) I am trying a lot of different things just to see what works and in the mean time I am just in a lot of pain for the most part. I am trying to control the anger inside. I keep having weird symptoms and I am gaining weight due to the meds which is making me very upset and self conscious. With all the new meds, the weight gain, the pain and all of the doctors and testing I am going through I am trying not to get sad about having a little one.<br />
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Prayers needed. LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-63105448626333107902014-06-01T12:42:00.001-07:002014-06-01T12:42:07.891-07:00Diagnosis... Unconfirmed Well, its been awhile since I posted here.<br />
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Here is an update, I started going to see a new OB/GYN. I really really like her she is very through and very into what her patients need and have to say.<br />
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It was my first appointment and my annual examine so there were a lot of questions on both of our parts. When it came time to answer any questions about past pregenancies I told her what happened to our angel baby two years ago, I said nothing was ever confrimed I can't get a straight answer as to what might have happened.<br />
She and I both said that something could have happened way early on, and no one caught it. She said well "Unconfirmed Miscarriage" Something is likely to have happened but we aren't really sure.<br />
Hearing that, gave me a little bit of closure, because she was of the same mindset that I am, there was something there. It hit home though after discussing other fertility options.<br />
<br />
The plan.<br />
<br />
Get records from other doc<br />
Up dosage of clomid for 3 months and see what happens<br />
Ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries yet I do have PCOS<br />
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Problem<br />
TMI readers sorry!<br />
<br />
I finally admitted to my husband that I suffer from Painful sex and have every since we started having sex. and now I also suffer from vocoluymia ( chronic pain of the vulva) No cause no cure not many treatment options. Like fibromyalgia its just pain... <br />
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Lets see where this lands us.LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-4267822010949715162014-03-09T14:53:00.003-07:002014-03-09T17:29:52.637-07:00Our Angel baby. I just read a story from a friend of mine that is hoping and praying to adopt a child. She details her struggle, and I got through it crying.<br />
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I lost my baby in October of 2012. At least I am convinced I was pregnant and miscarried super early like early enough for no one to notice. Nothing has ever been confirmed but I am fully convinced that this happened I don't care what tests say some people just know when things happen and I just knew!<br />
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What upsets me more is the fact that I am so destressed about this and I went to my OBGYN at the time and expressed my concerns. She was not concerned about me at all. It was all " Your husband blah blah blah" Utter bull shit really. Needless to say, I changed OB/GYNS as soon as I could and after my first appointment with her in 2013 she was like you have Poly cystic ovarian syndrome ( Something that my first OB said " No you don't have it") You aren't ovulating. Let's get this fixed. For months she put me on fertility meds. They started to work and then of course I freaking moved.<br />
<br />
Haven't ovulated since the move. So we are heavily considering adopting.<br />
There were times when I thought I was pregnant and all tests were negative its a lot to handle and the emotions are raw for me because I blame the doctor I had for not taking my issue seriously and I am grateful to my second doc that found the issue right away. <br />
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I want a child badly. ( We both do) There is a void in my heart and soul that I can't fill with anything else no matter what I do. I will always mourn the death of my child, whether it will ever be confirmed or not. To me it was a loss and a big one. One that I am not getting over and no one can tell me " Oh get over it" Its just not happening. I know there is a baby that was mine in heaven in a better place. I also know that God will bless me in time with a child of my own or that I can adopt. I am being patient but I will ALWAYS Mourn... ALways ...<br />
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<br />
We Love you Angel baby rest in heaven. Your Mom and Dad . <3 br=""><!--3--><!--3--></3>LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-16310134664420859652014-03-09T14:42:00.000-07:002014-03-09T14:43:17.535-07:00Another journey It's been awhile since I've updated.<br />
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Not much to tell.<br />
Oh yeah I am moving to Michigan into my father in law's house. To occupy the space. I am praying its a better situation and will give us some damn stability.<br />
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I still want a kid badly. Does Don? I don't know. You let him tell it and it's a yes, of course but It's not being shown to me. IDK<br />
I am depressed I am tired I am sick of being sad and unhappy all of the time.<br />
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My cats calm me.<br />
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<br />LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-38852288985774619442013-12-27T18:01:00.002-08:002014-03-09T14:54:58.553-07:00What NEEDS to happen in 2014 I am not one for making new years resolutions. I set goals for myself and work all year to meet every goal and self expectation I have for me.<br />
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In 2013 I had a few goals.<br />
1. Leave Amazon- Good company to work for, but I knew they weren't using me to my potential. I know now I am struggling with finding a job, but I am seeking jobs that I want and doing all I can to make sure I can easily get better jobs than that. <br />
2. Get in a better mental place- this was very important to me. I had ups and downs with depression this year, I never want to get in to a dark place again.<br />
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In 2014 these things have to happen.<br />
1. I NEED to be teaching not want NEED. I know now that I have a confidence in myself that I am a good educator and I need to be molding the next generation.<br />
2. I need a steady job. Yes, it needs to happen I have to get my own place again no matter what. The Lozano's need to both be working so we can Finally settle down. ( Both of us)<br />
3. Education is everything to me, need to get onto this doctoral school route<br />
4. I need to educate the world about fibro<br />
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I know I can and will do these! LaKedriahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14563427012804889184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7320417337827858748.post-7474531715544532122013-12-24T11:51:00.001-08:002013-12-24T11:51:13.928-08:00Merry Christmas I use this blog as an outlet I don't know how many of you read it. However; I did just want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas ( Happy Holidays if we are being PC) . May your days be blessed!.<br />
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