Well, its been awhile since I posted here.
Here is an update, I started going to see a new OB/GYN. I really really like her she is very through and very into what her patients need and have to say.
It was my first appointment and my annual examine so there were a lot of questions on both of our parts. When it came time to answer any questions about past pregenancies I told her what happened to our angel baby two years ago, I said nothing was ever confrimed I can't get a straight answer as to what might have happened.
She and I both said that something could have happened way early on, and no one caught it. She said well "Unconfirmed Miscarriage" Something is likely to have happened but we aren't really sure.
Hearing that, gave me a little bit of closure, because she was of the same mindset that I am, there was something there. It hit home though after discussing other fertility options.
The plan.
Get records from other doc
Up dosage of clomid for 3 months and see what happens
Ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries yet I do have PCOS
Problem
TMI readers sorry!
I finally admitted to my husband that I suffer from Painful sex and have every since we started having sex. and now I also suffer from vocoluymia ( chronic pain of the vulva) No cause no cure not many treatment options. Like fibromyalgia its just pain...
Lets see where this lands us.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Our Angel baby.
I just read a story from a friend of mine that is hoping and praying to adopt a child. She details her struggle, and I got through it crying.
I lost my baby in October of 2012. At least I am convinced I was pregnant and miscarried super early like early enough for no one to notice. Nothing has ever been confirmed but I am fully convinced that this happened I don't care what tests say some people just know when things happen and I just knew!
What upsets me more is the fact that I am so destressed about this and I went to my OBGYN at the time and expressed my concerns. She was not concerned about me at all. It was all " Your husband blah blah blah" Utter bull shit really. Needless to say, I changed OB/GYNS as soon as I could and after my first appointment with her in 2013 she was like you have Poly cystic ovarian syndrome ( Something that my first OB said " No you don't have it") You aren't ovulating. Let's get this fixed. For months she put me on fertility meds. They started to work and then of course I freaking moved.
Haven't ovulated since the move. So we are heavily considering adopting.
There were times when I thought I was pregnant and all tests were negative its a lot to handle and the emotions are raw for me because I blame the doctor I had for not taking my issue seriously and I am grateful to my second doc that found the issue right away.
I want a child badly. ( We both do) There is a void in my heart and soul that I can't fill with anything else no matter what I do. I will always mourn the death of my child, whether it will ever be confirmed or not. To me it was a loss and a big one. One that I am not getting over and no one can tell me " Oh get over it" Its just not happening. I know there is a baby that was mine in heaven in a better place. I also know that God will bless me in time with a child of my own or that I can adopt. I am being patient but I will ALWAYS Mourn... ALways ...
We Love you Angel baby rest in heaven. Your Mom and Dad . <3 br="">
I lost my baby in October of 2012. At least I am convinced I was pregnant and miscarried super early like early enough for no one to notice. Nothing has ever been confirmed but I am fully convinced that this happened I don't care what tests say some people just know when things happen and I just knew!
What upsets me more is the fact that I am so destressed about this and I went to my OBGYN at the time and expressed my concerns. She was not concerned about me at all. It was all " Your husband blah blah blah" Utter bull shit really. Needless to say, I changed OB/GYNS as soon as I could and after my first appointment with her in 2013 she was like you have Poly cystic ovarian syndrome ( Something that my first OB said " No you don't have it") You aren't ovulating. Let's get this fixed. For months she put me on fertility meds. They started to work and then of course I freaking moved.
Haven't ovulated since the move. So we are heavily considering adopting.
There were times when I thought I was pregnant and all tests were negative its a lot to handle and the emotions are raw for me because I blame the doctor I had for not taking my issue seriously and I am grateful to my second doc that found the issue right away.
I want a child badly. ( We both do) There is a void in my heart and soul that I can't fill with anything else no matter what I do. I will always mourn the death of my child, whether it will ever be confirmed or not. To me it was a loss and a big one. One that I am not getting over and no one can tell me " Oh get over it" Its just not happening. I know there is a baby that was mine in heaven in a better place. I also know that God will bless me in time with a child of my own or that I can adopt. I am being patient but I will ALWAYS Mourn... ALways ...
We Love you Angel baby rest in heaven. Your Mom and Dad . <3 br="">
Another journey
It's been awhile since I've updated.
Not much to tell.
Oh yeah I am moving to Michigan into my father in law's house. To occupy the space. I am praying its a better situation and will give us some damn stability.
I still want a kid badly. Does Don? I don't know. You let him tell it and it's a yes, of course but It's not being shown to me. IDK
I am depressed I am tired I am sick of being sad and unhappy all of the time.
My cats calm me.
Not much to tell.
Oh yeah I am moving to Michigan into my father in law's house. To occupy the space. I am praying its a better situation and will give us some damn stability.
I still want a kid badly. Does Don? I don't know. You let him tell it and it's a yes, of course but It's not being shown to me. IDK
I am depressed I am tired I am sick of being sad and unhappy all of the time.
My cats calm me.
Friday, December 27, 2013
What NEEDS to happen in 2014
I am not one for making new years resolutions. I set goals for myself and work all year to meet every goal and self expectation I have for me.
In 2013 I had a few goals.
1. Leave Amazon- Good company to work for, but I knew they weren't using me to my potential. I know now I am struggling with finding a job, but I am seeking jobs that I want and doing all I can to make sure I can easily get better jobs than that.
2. Get in a better mental place- this was very important to me. I had ups and downs with depression this year, I never want to get in to a dark place again.
In 2014 these things have to happen.
1. I NEED to be teaching not want NEED. I know now that I have a confidence in myself that I am a good educator and I need to be molding the next generation.
2. I need a steady job. Yes, it needs to happen I have to get my own place again no matter what. The Lozano's need to both be working so we can Finally settle down. ( Both of us)
3. Education is everything to me, need to get onto this doctoral school route
4. I need to educate the world about fibro
I know I can and will do these!
In 2013 I had a few goals.
1. Leave Amazon- Good company to work for, but I knew they weren't using me to my potential. I know now I am struggling with finding a job, but I am seeking jobs that I want and doing all I can to make sure I can easily get better jobs than that.
2. Get in a better mental place- this was very important to me. I had ups and downs with depression this year, I never want to get in to a dark place again.
In 2014 these things have to happen.
1. I NEED to be teaching not want NEED. I know now that I have a confidence in myself that I am a good educator and I need to be molding the next generation.
2. I need a steady job. Yes, it needs to happen I have to get my own place again no matter what. The Lozano's need to both be working so we can Finally settle down. ( Both of us)
3. Education is everything to me, need to get onto this doctoral school route
4. I need to educate the world about fibro
I know I can and will do these!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Merry Christmas
I use this blog as an outlet I don't know how many of you read it. However; I did just want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas ( Happy Holidays if we are being PC) . May your days be blessed!.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Most wonderful time of the year?
So I
had an appointment with my OB GYN yesterday that was recommended to me
by my other doctors when I moved back home. ( She is amazing her and
my other doctor trained together so they are a lot alike). The
appointment was good but it came with big decisions that my husband and
I have to make.
Basically we are going to try clomid 1 more time to see if I can ovulate. basically I will be on 50 mgs. for 3 months and then if I am still not ovulating the dose will increase to 100 mgs ( Which we don't want to do unless we have to because that increases the chance of pregnancy and multiples) If that fails we have to decide whether or not I want to go through with other testing to see why I am not getting pregnant. This is hard because I am uninsured. Sooo yea. That leaves me with pretty much no options. I don't want to do in-vetro and all other methods are expensive. So basically I left the appointment depressed because finically I can't afford to go through any testing etc. So Adoption is very high on the list of possibilities. Not that we can't have a baby naturally but I am not going into debt and putting myself through all of this physical and emotional stuff. It's been hard enough as it is. so that is the deal. Adoption is a wonderful thing, and anyone with information on good agencies etc please pass it along
Musically things are getting intense. I did two band concerts in a week and then I have 3 performance gigs before Christmas. I love this time musically its busy and I NEED to be busy.
School Starts back up in Jan. Excited yay
Other than that... Fa la la la la
Basically we are going to try clomid 1 more time to see if I can ovulate. basically I will be on 50 mgs. for 3 months and then if I am still not ovulating the dose will increase to 100 mgs ( Which we don't want to do unless we have to because that increases the chance of pregnancy and multiples) If that fails we have to decide whether or not I want to go through with other testing to see why I am not getting pregnant. This is hard because I am uninsured. Sooo yea. That leaves me with pretty much no options. I don't want to do in-vetro and all other methods are expensive. So basically I left the appointment depressed because finically I can't afford to go through any testing etc. So Adoption is very high on the list of possibilities. Not that we can't have a baby naturally but I am not going into debt and putting myself through all of this physical and emotional stuff. It's been hard enough as it is. so that is the deal. Adoption is a wonderful thing, and anyone with information on good agencies etc please pass it along
Musically things are getting intense. I did two band concerts in a week and then I have 3 performance gigs before Christmas. I love this time musically its busy and I NEED to be busy.
School Starts back up in Jan. Excited yay
Other than that... Fa la la la la
Sunday, December 8, 2013
FAQ Time!
In the middle of this flare I am going through I wanted to take time to answer frequently asked questions. I get these about my life, my condition, and the things that I do.
Q: How old are you?
A: 27
Q: What is your job?
A: Well, that depends on the day, and the time of the year. The General answer is I teach. However; I currently am not in a particular school district nor do I have my teaching certification. I travel around teaching in various places. Schools, Senior Centers, Summer programs. Everywhere.
Q: You are always in school, How many degrees do you have and will you ever stop going to school?
A: LOL I am your textbook "Professional Student" I am always in school or taking some sort of class. Currently the highest degree I've earned is my master's degree. I have about 48 hours of post masters work ( Leading to an advanced certificate) and I am currently taking classes in special education so I can get my teaching certification. I am not stopping until I am Dr. Lozano, I consider myself to be a lifelong learner. I promote that heavily in all that I do.
Q: Single?
A: Nope happily married :)
Q: Do you have any hobbies?
A: Yes, doesn't everyone? LOL Mine are reading, crafting, and volunteering
Q: Any special talents other than the music thing?
A: No special talents persay lol, I accepted a call to God and became an ordained minister. I am also an activist for various things. Disability rights, Human rights, Gay Rights just to name a few. I try to become knowledgeable about many different things. I don't like being bored.
Q: You have seem very positive about your fibro experience, how do you manage to do that despite your pain?
A: I have been through a lot in my life, not just fibro. I began my life as a fighter and I've been doing so every since. The doctors never gave me a chance at life. Pretty much, if I hadn't died the doctors predicted that I would have serious mental and physical problems that would prevent me from leading a "normal" life. Well... you see what happened there. Yes, I had limitations being blind in one eye but I was raised like a "normal" kid and taught to adapt to my situations. I never knew anything different. I just made life work for me. That is what I continue to do. Admittedly, fibro has caught me a little bit off guard but I was determined not to let fibro run me. Yes, I try to keep a smile on my face because if I didn't honestly I'd be really hard to be around, it would be so depressing. I am just real honest with myself. I am in constant pain almost every day. Some days pain is tolerable, others it is unbearable at times. Good days and bad, I can't shut down. There are days when I have to just stay in bed, I will get up to do the basic essentials but at least I am getting up. Sometimes I can roll all day like the energizer bunny it just depends. Regardless, of the severity of the pain I try to get up, say hi to someone and then go back to bed. :)
Q: How has fibro impacted your busy crazy schedule?
A: Honestly, a lot. At 27 I never thought I would have to slow the heck down so much. I have recognized this though. I am FINALLY! After a year and a half almost, accepting this fact and trying to adjust my life accordingly. I still "try" to move around and do everything I used to do. ( I was a music major so I was constantly going and going. Sometimes only on limited amounts of sleep and 1 meal a day) However; I have learned to listen to my body more and stop when I need to.
Q: Can you find a steady job?
A: I hope so, honestly it has been difficult since leaving Amazon. Due to limitations with my visual impairment ( The fact that I am not able to get my drivers license) and the limitations due to fibro ( decreased strength in my hands and the inability to lift more than 10 Lbs ect) It has been a challenge but I am hanging in there and still looking. My dream job is to teach at a College or a University and I am still working towards that.
Q: Has fibro made you unable to do many things you used to do?
A: Yes, but that doesn't stop me from doing them.
Q: What keeps you going?
A: GOD, My Family and my Friends.
Do you do anything to promote fibromyalgia awareness?
A: Yes, Education is the key and that is what I do.
Have you found support groups helpful?
A: See my blog How Fibro Heros Saved my life
Will you answer other questions?
A: Yes, I am an open book pretty much. If it gets too personal I will tell you.
Thanks for reading. I hope this has answered any questions you have had. Contact me if you want to know more :)
Q: How old are you?
A: 27
Q: What is your job?
A: Well, that depends on the day, and the time of the year. The General answer is I teach. However; I currently am not in a particular school district nor do I have my teaching certification. I travel around teaching in various places. Schools, Senior Centers, Summer programs. Everywhere.
Q: You are always in school, How many degrees do you have and will you ever stop going to school?
A: LOL I am your textbook "Professional Student" I am always in school or taking some sort of class. Currently the highest degree I've earned is my master's degree. I have about 48 hours of post masters work ( Leading to an advanced certificate) and I am currently taking classes in special education so I can get my teaching certification. I am not stopping until I am Dr. Lozano, I consider myself to be a lifelong learner. I promote that heavily in all that I do.
Q: Single?
A: Nope happily married :)
Q: Do you have any hobbies?
A: Yes, doesn't everyone? LOL Mine are reading, crafting, and volunteering
Q: Any special talents other than the music thing?
A: No special talents persay lol, I accepted a call to God and became an ordained minister. I am also an activist for various things. Disability rights, Human rights, Gay Rights just to name a few. I try to become knowledgeable about many different things. I don't like being bored.
Q: You have seem very positive about your fibro experience, how do you manage to do that despite your pain?
A: I have been through a lot in my life, not just fibro. I began my life as a fighter and I've been doing so every since. The doctors never gave me a chance at life. Pretty much, if I hadn't died the doctors predicted that I would have serious mental and physical problems that would prevent me from leading a "normal" life. Well... you see what happened there. Yes, I had limitations being blind in one eye but I was raised like a "normal" kid and taught to adapt to my situations. I never knew anything different. I just made life work for me. That is what I continue to do. Admittedly, fibro has caught me a little bit off guard but I was determined not to let fibro run me. Yes, I try to keep a smile on my face because if I didn't honestly I'd be really hard to be around, it would be so depressing. I am just real honest with myself. I am in constant pain almost every day. Some days pain is tolerable, others it is unbearable at times. Good days and bad, I can't shut down. There are days when I have to just stay in bed, I will get up to do the basic essentials but at least I am getting up. Sometimes I can roll all day like the energizer bunny it just depends. Regardless, of the severity of the pain I try to get up, say hi to someone and then go back to bed. :)
Q: How has fibro impacted your busy crazy schedule?
A: Honestly, a lot. At 27 I never thought I would have to slow the heck down so much. I have recognized this though. I am FINALLY! After a year and a half almost, accepting this fact and trying to adjust my life accordingly. I still "try" to move around and do everything I used to do. ( I was a music major so I was constantly going and going. Sometimes only on limited amounts of sleep and 1 meal a day) However; I have learned to listen to my body more and stop when I need to.
Q: Can you find a steady job?
A: I hope so, honestly it has been difficult since leaving Amazon. Due to limitations with my visual impairment ( The fact that I am not able to get my drivers license) and the limitations due to fibro ( decreased strength in my hands and the inability to lift more than 10 Lbs ect) It has been a challenge but I am hanging in there and still looking. My dream job is to teach at a College or a University and I am still working towards that.
Q: Has fibro made you unable to do many things you used to do?
A: Yes, but that doesn't stop me from doing them.
Q: What keeps you going?
A: GOD, My Family and my Friends.
Do you do anything to promote fibromyalgia awareness?
A: Yes, Education is the key and that is what I do.
Have you found support groups helpful?
A: See my blog How Fibro Heros Saved my life
Will you answer other questions?
A: Yes, I am an open book pretty much. If it gets too personal I will tell you.
Thanks for reading. I hope this has answered any questions you have had. Contact me if you want to know more :)
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