New Job!
New School year!
New Faces
New Kiddos to mold
New Music
New Life
totally blessed.
After a 3 year battle with infertility I am expecting!!!! :) :) :)
Praying for healthy baby growth for the next 8 months :) :)
Blessed!
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Monday, August 4, 2014
Trying not to give up hope
Lots of updates.
I am on a lot of medication now due to fibro. I am also in aquatherapy ( Love this) I am trying a lot of different things just to see what works and in the mean time I am just in a lot of pain for the most part. I am trying to control the anger inside. I keep having weird symptoms and I am gaining weight due to the meds which is making me very upset and self conscious. With all the new meds, the weight gain, the pain and all of the doctors and testing I am going through I am trying not to get sad about having a little one.
Prayers needed.
I am on a lot of medication now due to fibro. I am also in aquatherapy ( Love this) I am trying a lot of different things just to see what works and in the mean time I am just in a lot of pain for the most part. I am trying to control the anger inside. I keep having weird symptoms and I am gaining weight due to the meds which is making me very upset and self conscious. With all the new meds, the weight gain, the pain and all of the doctors and testing I am going through I am trying not to get sad about having a little one.
Prayers needed.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Diagnosis... Unconfirmed
Well, its been awhile since I posted here.
Here is an update, I started going to see a new OB/GYN. I really really like her she is very through and very into what her patients need and have to say.
It was my first appointment and my annual examine so there were a lot of questions on both of our parts. When it came time to answer any questions about past pregenancies I told her what happened to our angel baby two years ago, I said nothing was ever confrimed I can't get a straight answer as to what might have happened.
She and I both said that something could have happened way early on, and no one caught it. She said well "Unconfirmed Miscarriage" Something is likely to have happened but we aren't really sure.
Hearing that, gave me a little bit of closure, because she was of the same mindset that I am, there was something there. It hit home though after discussing other fertility options.
The plan.
Get records from other doc
Up dosage of clomid for 3 months and see what happens
Ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries yet I do have PCOS
Problem
TMI readers sorry!
I finally admitted to my husband that I suffer from Painful sex and have every since we started having sex. and now I also suffer from vocoluymia ( chronic pain of the vulva) No cause no cure not many treatment options. Like fibromyalgia its just pain...
Lets see where this lands us.
Here is an update, I started going to see a new OB/GYN. I really really like her she is very through and very into what her patients need and have to say.
It was my first appointment and my annual examine so there were a lot of questions on both of our parts. When it came time to answer any questions about past pregenancies I told her what happened to our angel baby two years ago, I said nothing was ever confrimed I can't get a straight answer as to what might have happened.
She and I both said that something could have happened way early on, and no one caught it. She said well "Unconfirmed Miscarriage" Something is likely to have happened but we aren't really sure.
Hearing that, gave me a little bit of closure, because she was of the same mindset that I am, there was something there. It hit home though after discussing other fertility options.
The plan.
Get records from other doc
Up dosage of clomid for 3 months and see what happens
Ultrasound showed no cysts on my ovaries yet I do have PCOS
Problem
TMI readers sorry!
I finally admitted to my husband that I suffer from Painful sex and have every since we started having sex. and now I also suffer from vocoluymia ( chronic pain of the vulva) No cause no cure not many treatment options. Like fibromyalgia its just pain...
Lets see where this lands us.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Our Angel baby.
I just read a story from a friend of mine that is hoping and praying to adopt a child. She details her struggle, and I got through it crying.
I lost my baby in October of 2012. At least I am convinced I was pregnant and miscarried super early like early enough for no one to notice. Nothing has ever been confirmed but I am fully convinced that this happened I don't care what tests say some people just know when things happen and I just knew!
What upsets me more is the fact that I am so destressed about this and I went to my OBGYN at the time and expressed my concerns. She was not concerned about me at all. It was all " Your husband blah blah blah" Utter bull shit really. Needless to say, I changed OB/GYNS as soon as I could and after my first appointment with her in 2013 she was like you have Poly cystic ovarian syndrome ( Something that my first OB said " No you don't have it") You aren't ovulating. Let's get this fixed. For months she put me on fertility meds. They started to work and then of course I freaking moved.
Haven't ovulated since the move. So we are heavily considering adopting.
There were times when I thought I was pregnant and all tests were negative its a lot to handle and the emotions are raw for me because I blame the doctor I had for not taking my issue seriously and I am grateful to my second doc that found the issue right away.
I want a child badly. ( We both do) There is a void in my heart and soul that I can't fill with anything else no matter what I do. I will always mourn the death of my child, whether it will ever be confirmed or not. To me it was a loss and a big one. One that I am not getting over and no one can tell me " Oh get over it" Its just not happening. I know there is a baby that was mine in heaven in a better place. I also know that God will bless me in time with a child of my own or that I can adopt. I am being patient but I will ALWAYS Mourn... ALways ...
We Love you Angel baby rest in heaven. Your Mom and Dad . <3 br="">
I lost my baby in October of 2012. At least I am convinced I was pregnant and miscarried super early like early enough for no one to notice. Nothing has ever been confirmed but I am fully convinced that this happened I don't care what tests say some people just know when things happen and I just knew!
What upsets me more is the fact that I am so destressed about this and I went to my OBGYN at the time and expressed my concerns. She was not concerned about me at all. It was all " Your husband blah blah blah" Utter bull shit really. Needless to say, I changed OB/GYNS as soon as I could and after my first appointment with her in 2013 she was like you have Poly cystic ovarian syndrome ( Something that my first OB said " No you don't have it") You aren't ovulating. Let's get this fixed. For months she put me on fertility meds. They started to work and then of course I freaking moved.
Haven't ovulated since the move. So we are heavily considering adopting.
There were times when I thought I was pregnant and all tests were negative its a lot to handle and the emotions are raw for me because I blame the doctor I had for not taking my issue seriously and I am grateful to my second doc that found the issue right away.
I want a child badly. ( We both do) There is a void in my heart and soul that I can't fill with anything else no matter what I do. I will always mourn the death of my child, whether it will ever be confirmed or not. To me it was a loss and a big one. One that I am not getting over and no one can tell me " Oh get over it" Its just not happening. I know there is a baby that was mine in heaven in a better place. I also know that God will bless me in time with a child of my own or that I can adopt. I am being patient but I will ALWAYS Mourn... ALways ...
We Love you Angel baby rest in heaven. Your Mom and Dad . <3 br="">
Another journey
It's been awhile since I've updated.
Not much to tell.
Oh yeah I am moving to Michigan into my father in law's house. To occupy the space. I am praying its a better situation and will give us some damn stability.
I still want a kid badly. Does Don? I don't know. You let him tell it and it's a yes, of course but It's not being shown to me. IDK
I am depressed I am tired I am sick of being sad and unhappy all of the time.
My cats calm me.
Not much to tell.
Oh yeah I am moving to Michigan into my father in law's house. To occupy the space. I am praying its a better situation and will give us some damn stability.
I still want a kid badly. Does Don? I don't know. You let him tell it and it's a yes, of course but It's not being shown to me. IDK
I am depressed I am tired I am sick of being sad and unhappy all of the time.
My cats calm me.
Friday, December 27, 2013
What NEEDS to happen in 2014
I am not one for making new years resolutions. I set goals for myself and work all year to meet every goal and self expectation I have for me.
In 2013 I had a few goals.
1. Leave Amazon- Good company to work for, but I knew they weren't using me to my potential. I know now I am struggling with finding a job, but I am seeking jobs that I want and doing all I can to make sure I can easily get better jobs than that.
2. Get in a better mental place- this was very important to me. I had ups and downs with depression this year, I never want to get in to a dark place again.
In 2014 these things have to happen.
1. I NEED to be teaching not want NEED. I know now that I have a confidence in myself that I am a good educator and I need to be molding the next generation.
2. I need a steady job. Yes, it needs to happen I have to get my own place again no matter what. The Lozano's need to both be working so we can Finally settle down. ( Both of us)
3. Education is everything to me, need to get onto this doctoral school route
4. I need to educate the world about fibro
I know I can and will do these!
In 2013 I had a few goals.
1. Leave Amazon- Good company to work for, but I knew they weren't using me to my potential. I know now I am struggling with finding a job, but I am seeking jobs that I want and doing all I can to make sure I can easily get better jobs than that.
2. Get in a better mental place- this was very important to me. I had ups and downs with depression this year, I never want to get in to a dark place again.
In 2014 these things have to happen.
1. I NEED to be teaching not want NEED. I know now that I have a confidence in myself that I am a good educator and I need to be molding the next generation.
2. I need a steady job. Yes, it needs to happen I have to get my own place again no matter what. The Lozano's need to both be working so we can Finally settle down. ( Both of us)
3. Education is everything to me, need to get onto this doctoral school route
4. I need to educate the world about fibro
I know I can and will do these!
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Merry Christmas
I use this blog as an outlet I don't know how many of you read it. However; I did just want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas ( Happy Holidays if we are being PC) . May your days be blessed!.
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