Wednesday, August 14, 2013


 Many people ask me "How do you cope with the pain you feel daily without meds?"

My answer is normally, " I kinda just do"  Which isn't un true I use my self disicipline to get me through a lot of my days.  A lot of the time I am working and dealing with people so I am unable to take anything that is going to make me sleepy or knock me out. 
Here are some of the things I do:

1.   Stay in constant communication with my support group.  When I say constant communication I am not joking,  at any giving time I can post on that page how I am feeling and will have responses in seconds my friends there help me breathe and get through the rough patch, I also have many members phone numbers so if all else fails they are a call or text away. ( I Love Fibro Heroes!!!!!)

2.   Breathing works.  Yes its true taking a few deep breathes when the pain is very intense dosent make it go away but it helps me relax

3. Remember my stress/ pain management skills from counseling, this is why I went to counseling to begin with so that I can manage this without meds.

4.  Hang out with my Thearpy Cats Lilla and Skye.   Yes, I legitimately have two wonderful kitties that help me during a flare and provide me with emotional comfort.
  Lilla is certified and Skye is in training.  I trained Lilla myself and boy dose my baby girl  know when mommy needs her.  Her and her baby sister Skye hang with me all day sometimes before they go and do cat things lol. 

5. reach out to family and friends they get it and will talk to me to take my mind off of pain.

6. Music therapy ( I am certified in this so it works for me as my own patient :) )

So its a lot and honestly it dosen't always work, I break down and take something, and honesly now I've had to come to terms with the fact that its OK for me to do that sometime! I am not crazy nor do I always have to be strong about pain.

 Its been about a year and a half since my diagnosis and I am doing OK.   The main thing now is to get my depression under control once I do that I will feel better about myself and even more ready to conquer the world.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

How Fibro Hero's saved my life.

  When I was first diagnosed with fibro, I did what I think anyone would do in my situation.  I did my research on the condition and sought out others dealing with the same issues.  There was no physical support group in my area for fibromyalgia so I turned to the next best thing social media.   I typed in "Fibromyalgia" and of course TONS of groups popped up.  So I just joined the main group with the highest number of people in it.

In that general group I came across so much hatred towards others, "Cure all treatments",  and generally very nastiness.  It did provide me with information but the support towards others ( what fibro patients need wasn't there at all)  It was to the point were I got sick of looking on that page, because it was too much freaking DRAMA from everyone.  So I left, I wasn't adding to the stress I was already under for the sake of trying to find information and out of 1000 members maybe only meet like 3 decent people.

  A few months went by and one day I got a "Friend request" from "Fibro Heroes"  I was like hmmmmm ok so I checked out the group and basically it was another fibro suffer  who had also had horrible experiences on the same page I had left, she wanted to start her own group that did what we needed to do, support each other without the BS and Drama.

I remember the group starting off at about 30 members but we were all super super close to each other, we would all check in at least daily and bonds were created quick with one another, it became an addiction, Every day I was on that group checking making sure everyone was OK and posting about my  life as well.   The group grew not only with members that were suffering from fibro but their personal supporters as well, My husband saw that I was "happy" in the group and joined too in support of me and all of the other heroes pretty soon we were excited to hit 100 members and still gave nothing but support of each other.

Today  Fibro heroes has been on FB for a little over a year now and we have grown a lot in membership, it has truly been a blessing to not only connect with others with fibro but to send others in that direction to get more support.  This group has become an extended family and they have been with me through my darkest times,  in fact, they know more about those darker times than anyone else does in my life, because they "Get it". Without them supporting me, honestly I can't say where I would be mentally right now. The group saved my life and continues to effect the way that I deal with fibro.  All 200+ members are all my heroes and I love them dearly


Sunday, August 4, 2013

New journey

 The last time I posted in March I was going through a very rough patch in life.  Well Its now August, and although that patch has gotten a little smoother it's still bumpy and very much under construction.

So much has changed from March to now.  I scared myself back in April when I started have thoughts of suicide again. I didn't act on them of course, but the thoughts were there and they were very intense. Intense enough for me to scare myself and promptly seek help from my psychiatrist/ family doc and my psychologist  With adjustment of medications and a lot of talking, I was finally able to push though those thoughts and get back to "normal".   

My relationship with my husband has improved although I am still trying to get him to open up to me and for us to communicate more, it hasn't been to the point where I want to end the relationship ( It had been to that point, a few months ago but we pushed through it) My marriage vows are scared to me and they are promises I made to God myself and my husband, I don't break my promises.  Through everything I vowed to be there and so here I am, he is there for me too, through everything and let's face it, I can be a horrible person to live with these days stress and pain do some really really weird things to my mood.

 One of the biggest changes in my life at the moment is the fact that after two years of being stuck in one role that I was miserable in, I FINALLY was able to quit my job at Amazon.  I didn't quit because of the company or my co-workers.  I quit because I am now a doctoral student, and quite frankly Amazon wasn't using all of my potential ( there is so much I could have done there if I had been given the chance) and I was just unhappy being stagnant in the role I was in, so I found a new job and quit effective July 19th.  My new job is starting a community choir back "home" so we are now in the process of moving. I am moving in with my mom for a while so that we can find work and I can get this choir up and running. I am not sure how long we are going to be there but its something I am passionate about and will be happy.

With the move comes other challenges like right now, we have no money, no insurance, and did I mention we lost our Family doctor ( she is only going to be seeing pysch patients now and not doing family medicine)  We were heartbroken and realized that with this move we'd have to find new doctors anyway so it works out but it's sad none the less.  

Currently my mood is pretty down, I can't seem to make myself happy no matter what, I am not sure if it is because I am currently not taking any medicine for my fibro and depression or if I am just really nervous about the future but I can't break this funk. Its been MONTHS in this funk, and every time I think I am making a good decision  I always either regret it or second guess myself.  IDK prayers are needed.

We are still trying to have a baby, I think that is another cause of my depression and stress, I found out that I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and my hormones are so out of wack.  I don't ovulate.  After two months of taking fertility drugs on my end and still haven't even ovulated its getting really illustrating.  There are other factors involved in this too that are too personal to post here but let's just say I feel like I am the only one that knows what I want.    Right now though I think we will have to be content with our fur babies who are our pride and joys they make us smile and let's face it Kittens and Kids, yeahhh almost the same treatment. LOL

 As you can see this post was all over the place kind of like my thoughts but I figured I better update this now before things get super crazy.